The light turned green, and we were off.

“Deal with your friend,” I called to Finley as Olga floored it. We zoomed off down the dirt track. We were quickly outpaced by team Free Love, the bugbears zooming ahead of everyone else on their cushion of air.

“Donut, keep your shield ready in case the new shield doesn’t work!”

“Where are the rain-wiper things?” Olga croaked.

“We don’t have them,” I said.

“Now you tell me,” she complained. The shield was stopping the rain, but it was starting to fog up.

Thwum! I heard a heavy explosion behind us as we bumped over the road. Ahead, the forest loomed. We were going to take the middle path of the first split.

“What was that?” I called. I heard an engine rev, and the Lady Dominators team zoomed past us, hot on the tail of the bugbears. I could see Genesis in the passenger’s seat, scream-laughing, all four arms giving an obscene gesture behind us.

It was Olga who answered, looking in the side mirror. “The thorny-bush thing fired a gun. I think at the deformed humanoids, but their vehicle was too fast. Their gun blasted right into the side of the hairy-animal team, and the animal fell over, but it’s getting back up. The bush is now coming up fast.” Olga turned her attention forward. “Why is this thing so slow? Did you really come in first place last time?”

Carl: Osvaldo! You guys okay?

Osvaldo: I’m going to kill that fucking unicorn and rat thing! We good. Bruna is tough.

“No!” Quemada shouted, pushing away from the badger. She was in a full-blown panic attack. It was getting warmer by the moment in the truck. It had come on so suddenly. “Didn’t you feel it? Didn’t you hear what that elf mage said? Didn’t something in that small brain of yours break the moment you heard it? Because it broke in mine, Fin. Don’t you see? Don’t you now see what we are? We’ve been doing this over and over!”

“You’re okay, you’re okay!” Olga called. “Finley, do the thing. Do the calming thing.” She looked over at us, smiling sheepishly. “She has a panic disorder. Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.”

“The fire fairy has a panic disorder?” Donut asked incredulously.

Olga croaked. “We had another fairy in the group. Helado. An ice fairy. She was really good at calming her down. She was killed by the chain demon. Had a crazy hard time calming Quemada after that. She killed one of the two clients. But Finley eventually talked her down. So you ain’t got nothing to worry about.”

“Wait,” Donut said. “She killed the person who hired her?”

“Only one of them,” Olga said defensively. “She’s better now.”

“Emberus, help me understand,” Quemada wailed.

We entered the forest, and it went from light to dark.

“On it,” Donut said, casting Torch.

The road was already getting increasingly muddy and sticky. The shield protected us from the acid rain, but I worried how that worked with the tires. Our upgrade allowed us to change the size of the tires, but I didn’t know if the shield actually protected them from the pools of acid on the ground.

Finley was saying something to Quemada, but I couldn’t hear over the roar of the engine and the rain.

Ahead, the bugbears turned right, entering the trailhead for the safe, long path, and the Dominators went straight, heading for the same trail we were going to use. Team Sparkles zoomed up beside us, though they quickly swerved, going down the left path. One Fine Pig also rumbled in that direction. Osvaldo’s mount, which was now up and running ridiculously fast, also turned down that road, meaning the only one on the same path as us was the Lady Dominators.

Quemada was babbling incoherently.

“I am not crazy!” the fairy cried. “Or am I? Am I crazy? What can I burn?”

“Everyone be quiet!” I called, keeping an eye on the track ahead.

Despite Donut’s Torch, the jungle was oppressively dark, like it was constantly constricting on us. All around, the foliage was thick and winding, trees mixed with vines mixed with brambles, all steaming as the acid rain poured on it all. Everything had taken on an acrid, burning scent. The path we were on was barely wide enough to travel.

I could still see the taillights of the Lady Dominators barely.

“Whoa, fuck me!” Olga cried, and swerved. We all went flying to the side as a new vehicle raged onto the path, merging from a road I hadn’t even seen. The vehicle honked furiously and moved ahead of us, making it so we couldn’t pass. It sprayed dirt, leaves, and mud, showering us with crap that collected on the edge of the shield.

“What in the name of the gods is that?” the toad shouted.

“It’s the goddamned Wienermobile,” I said. “It’s from another heat. I know the guys driving it. It’s those guys from the karaoke bar. The skull-faced ones in the pope hats.”

“I talked to the leader of that group,” Donut said from the back. “His name is the Minister of Blood-Letting. He’s really creepy at first, but he has a deep love of singing. He says he’s practicing so they’ll let him into the Unholy Choir. I don’t know what that means. I told him we’d be racing in the same heat, and he promised not to blood-sacrifice us to Baal, so that’s good at least.”

“Well, right now your friend’s giant car is blocking the path,” I said.

The fire fairy continued to sob. “Is Emberus even real? My lord, please show yourself. Please speak to me and Carl so we can cleanse⁠—”

Alarmed, I turned to see the badger grab his friend out of the air. The fire fairy squirmed in his double-handed grip.

“No, no, no,” Quemada said. “Stop, Fin. Please, stop. Let me end it all.”

The Porsuk mercenary poked Quemada with one of his claws.

“Sleep now, friend,” he said, his voice surprisingly gentle. The fire fairy suddenly had Unconscious over her. He carefully placed her in the sink.

“She okay?” Olga asked, turning in her seat.

The badger shook his head. “She hasn’t been right since Helado died.”

Donut: I MEAN, REALLY. THIS ISN’T DOWNTON ABBEY. WE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH DRAMA FROM THE HELP. DO WE GET A DISCOUNT WHEN ONE IS ASLEEP?

I was about to answer when another message came.

Imani: You just passed us. We were behind the Bleak Congregation, and we pulled onto the road just as you passed. Elle is driving, and she drives like an old lady. But we’re behind you. We already lost a team. Crawler Henrietta. You know that one from Angola? She was new this heat. They hit a trap. It swallowed their mount whole, and she and her partner are gone.

Carl: Damn. Okay. I’m going to send our course. Can you guys deal with the cliff up ahead?

Imani: Yes. We have a wall-climbing and -descending kit. But it’s slow.

Carl: We’ll wait to make sure you make it.