The road jolted. The track suddenly got bumpier. We slowed down.

“Making the wheels bigger,” Olga said, all business. “Carl, keep your eyes peeled. We’re getting close to the outskirts of cannibal territory.”

A set of headlights appeared behind us. They flashed. It was Imani and Elle’s team. I knew they also had a mercenary in there with them, but I wasn’t sure who it was. Their vehicle was an APV similar to but bigger than the military vehicle driven by the Tigran team.

“Wouldn’t they only be cannibals if they were human?” Donut asked. “I mean, all sorts of monsters eat each other. Goblins eat each other, and I guess that makes them cannibals, but we don’t call them cannibals. We call them goblins. So what are these things? And do they eat things that aren’t each other?”

And that’s when the cannibals attacked.

Imani: Watch out! They’re in the trees above you!

Splat. Splat, splat, splat. The pale creatures started dropping from the foliage, except they hit the shield, and when they did, they exploded like bags of tomato soup.

Donut increased her Torch to full blast, and suddenly night turned to day.

All the trees and bushes on either side of the path started violently shaking as the creatures hissed and screamed at the light.

There were hundreds of them. Thousands. They just came out of nowhere, suiciding themselves against the shield like they had no sense of self-preservation whatsoever. A chorus of high-pitched screeches filled the jungle.

“What are they? They keep blowing up before I can see them!” Donut yelled.

“They’re human, I think, but they’re acting like bugs,” Olga said, voice full of wonder. “It’s like the bright light has driven them mad.”

Up ahead, a natural bridge crossed the path. The tall arch appeared to be made of a tree that had been deliberately bent over and tied. Hanging from it were dozens of skeletons. Decapitated, dried heads dotted the structure. Hundreds more random body parts and bones littered the arch like grisly Christmas tree decorations.

Standing on the bend, screaming and shaking their spears, were about a hundred of the cannibals.

They were pale, slightly pudgy human creatures. At least they appeared human, but I couldn’t see their heads. They were all completely naked except for little loincloths. There were both men and women, and the women were not wearing tops. They all carried simple spears, and each wore a horrific wood mask ripped off from some home décor store’s interpretation of an African tribe. Some carried primitive hide shields.

They seemed immune to the acid rain.

Splat! Splat! More dropped on the truck, only to explode against the magic barrier.

Olga tapped a gauge on the dash. “They’re overheating the shield!”

“Vaguely racist,” Donut muttered. “I’d love to see its version of overt.”

Her claw caps disappeared, and blue light filled the cab. She swiped into open air.

Her Astral Paw appeared, swiping through the woods ahead of us, sweeping all the cannibals on the bridge away like she was sweeping pieces off a chessboard. Most flew off into the jungle, screaming. The spell wasn’t nearly as large as when she cast her War Crime spell, which she wouldn’t be able to cast again until the twelfth floor, but it was still huge. Whatever was holding the arch down snapped, and the tree flipped up like a catapult, flinging the remaining cannibals in the opposite direction. Skeleton bones rained down. They crunched under the truck as we passed.

She waved a few more times, clearing the trees ahead. Trees all around snapped and broke. Screaming filled the jungle as we slowed.

Elle: Holy hells, Donut. Have I told you recently how terrifying you are?

Donut growled with annoyance. Her claw caps reappeared, and the giant paw dissipated.

Donut: IT’S A LOT STRONGER THAN IT WAS BEFORE, BUT IT DOESN’T LAST LONG, AND THE COOLDOWN IS MUCH LONGER NOW. IT’S SUPPOSED TO GET SHORTER AS THE LEVEL GOES UP, NOT THE OTHER WAY!

I nodded. “It’s to keep you from moonwalking through the floors. How long before you can cast that again? And don’t you have a new version you can cast also? The combined version?”

“I killed like eighty of them, and I didn’t even go up a level! This is ridiculous! I can’t cast it again for eight hours! The combined version with Bijanbi isn’t a new spell. I can just combine the two and cast them both at the same time. Ow!” Donut suddenly jumped in the air, hitting the ceiling of the truck, spinning around. “What was that?”

“What, what?” I asked.

“I . . . I think that stupid dog tattoo on my butt just bit me!”

“Uh,” I said.

Splat, splat!

More were coming from the sides, just throwing themselves against the side of the truck. The village itself was up ahead.

“Two or three more, and the shield will go out,” Olga said. “It’ll take a few minutes to recharge.”

“Donut, get your shield ready.”

A particularly large cannibal stood on the road ahead of us, blocking the path. This one was enormously fat, and it didn’t hold a spear but a staff that glowed with enchantment. This one also seemed immune to Donut’s bright light. Its mask wasn’t made of wood but was carved from the skull of what appeared to be some sort of ape. I was reminded of the lemurs from the third floor.

“What should I do?” Olga asked, slowing even more as we approached. Imani and Elle’s truck rumbled up behind us.

The mob pulled the ape mask off and dropped it to the ground, revealing that it was indeed a human. The older man had a balding mop of wild, curly red hair that was held up in a man bun held together with a single bone. His wide pale belly reflected in the light.

The man started chanting.

Soul Suck has been negated by your Mind Balance skill.

Donut scoffed. She would also be immune to this due to her high constitution-and-charisma combo.

“Are you kidding me?” I said upon reading the description.

Great Rusty. Cannibal Ginger Chieftain.

Level 99 neighborhood boss.

This is the leader of the southern cannibal forest settlement.

This is yet another storyline we lifted wholesale from the never-realized seventh floor that I was actually looking forward to because it featured the Gingers, aka the perverts of the dungeon.

These humanlike mobs are actually from Earth, and we didn’t change anything about them except we made them cannibals to fit in with the whole jungle theme.

This is a Ginger. They hide amongst regular humans. They’re the result of alien interference in the development of your human world, much like how octopuses are also the result of outside meddling after the initial seeding. Nobody really knows when the corruption was introduced, but it’s suspected the Nullians were involved.

The men are said to be sexually deviant to a fault. The women are known to be . . . let’s just say . . . extra spicy. Both sides have whacked-out pain tolerance, making them more susceptible to heat and cold, but immune to electrical and acid attacks. It’s one of the reasons why they’re prized targets for dentists and serial killers.

Oh, and they can suck your soul away. Never stare too long into the face of a Ginger. If you get lost in their eyes, it’s already too late.

Anyway, there are two Ginger cannibal settlements in the forest. The north and south settlements, and they are at war with one another. If you decimate one tribe, it will create a power vacuum that would probably have a cascading, devastating effect on the entire region if this whole race wasn’t just 20 hours. It’s not like that’s a metaphor or anything about how outsiders crash through cultures, have their fun, and then leave after they’ve vilified the natives and exploited them to the point where they can never possibly recover. And then, generations later, blame them because they still struggle to step up.

“I love how that whole thing is both socially conscious and outrageously racist at the same time,” I muttered.

“This is gingerphobia laid bare,” Donut said. “Disgusting. Ferdinand would be appalled. Though, if we’re being honest here, the pervert part is probably true. I don’t think I’ve ever met an orange cat who shouldn’t be on some sort of registry. I’m assuming the same is true for humans.”

“It’s not. It’s just a stupid thing people do to make fun of others. None of it is true! The AI is being a prejudiced dick.”

“Not even the part about the women being spicier?”

“Well . . .” I paused and then shook my head. “No. It’s just like everything else. It’s a stupid, made-up stereotype. Besides, if the AI thinks redheads are the spiciest, he’s clearly never met a Latina.”

“I can’t help but notice you’ve been referring to the AI as a ‘he’ a lot more recently, Carl.”

Olga slumped over in the driver’s seat. She had a debuff. Gingered. She was unconscious, and her health was rapidly draining.

“Oh, fuck!” I cried. “Finley!” I grabbed the frog and yanked her from the seat. She was weirdly heavy.

“Olga! Olga!” Finley cried as he awkwardly pulled himself forward.

Donut shot a magic missile at Great Rusty, who exploded, dying instantly.

Olga groaned. The Gingered debuff remained, but she was suddenly awake. Her health stopped seeping, but she didn’t fully recover. She was just staring off into space.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

She didn’t respond.

“Shit,” I said. I sent a note to Mordecai.

Mordecai: Did you kill the mob that did it? It’ll return her soul, but she needs specialized healing from a cleric. She’ll be in a fugue until that happens. Good thing you have a backup driver.

I turned to Finley, who’d awkwardly stuck himself into the driver’s seat. “Floor it. Don’t stop for anything.”

“It did that voting thing for Great Rusty,” Donut said. “I said let the audience choose, and they’re voting now.”

We moved, bumping through the village, pregnant women and small, freckled children jumping out of the way as we smashed through the center of town, knocking over huts and cook pots. Imani and Elle were hot on our tail.

In seconds, we were past and back on the road.

“Well, that sucked,” I said. “At least we didn’t get embroiled⁠—”

New Quest. Pasty Inferno.

This is a mandatory quest!

Great Rusty, chieftain of the southern tribe has fallen. You blew him up, and then you ran over his corpse, and you didn’t even leave a note with your insurance information!

Soon, Maurice, the chieftain of the northern tribe, will learn of his enemy’s death and move in. And when that much power grows unchecked, everybody loses. The northern tribe will have enough power to march on Upano and devour everyone within.

Find and kill Maurice, chieftain of the northern tribe.

Reward: Whoever completes this quest will receive the contents of Maurice’s cook pot.

Warning: This is a mandatory quest. You will not be able to finish this race unless the Maurice on your track is dead.

Elle: Fucking hell, Carl.

“Goddamnit, Dr. Metcalf,” I said. “You said there weren’t any quests on this path! We don’t have time for this!”

Oh fuck off, Carl. This is just typical. Upgrade me, stop being selfish, and maybe you’ll get better intel on this stuff. I can’t read minds. The quest happened when the cat blew up the fat guy.

“Stop fighting,” Donut called. She suddenly fired another missile out the window. Then another. “They’re still out here! Finley, go faster!”

“We should’ve just followed the sausage truck,” Finley whined. “I like sausages.”