We had just over an hour and a half before the next heat would start.

Elle: Na is in. I think. She’s still being creepy as fuck. She’s not actually talking, but she sort of nodded. We’ll meet you at your safe room. Also, I heard about your performance. I am so pissed I missed it.

Donut: CARL DID GREAT, BUT I WAS ROBBED OF A PERFECT SCORE.

Elle: I heard. You’ll get ’em next time, kid. See you soon.

Imani: Dong is being a problem. He doesn’t want to leave. He’s picked up all the nickels we could find, but the sock is back to the size it was when he first got it, and he’s complaining that it has stopped talking to him. We need to keep an eye on him. Donut is talking to him now.

Carl: Splash Zone, come get your boy.

Warning: As this mercenary is no longer on this floor, they are unable to be contacted. You will still be charged their daily fee until you can locate them. Maybe this’ll teach you to keep better track of your hired help.

What the shit?

I sent quick messages to Gluteus and Doctor Bones, who’d also been with Splash Zone in the Desperado Club. I received the same warning.

Carl: I think something happened to the other strippers in the Desperado Club! I can’t contact them.

Donut: OH NO.

Bucket Boy: They’re not answering me, either! They were going to see the new boss guy, Hamed, Anaconda and Damascus Steel’s dad!

Hamed. The leader of the Guild of Suffering. The late Astrid’s “husband,” who had taken over the Desperado Club after Katia and I killed her. I had no idea what was going on with all that, and now was not the time for that whole thing to kick off.

“Goddamnit,” I grumbled.

Carl: Okay, okay. It doesn’t say they’re dead, which is good. And we know Damascus Steel is still alive because Donut saw him last floor. Don’t go back in there. As soon as we get through this, we’ll try to find them.

Dong didn’t answer.

Donut: I HAD TO ORDER DONG BACK TO THE SAFE ROOM. HE’S VERY UPSET THAT HE’S BEING LEFT OUT OF THIS. THIS IS VERY EMOTIONAL FOR HIM.

Carl: We’re on our way.

Ten minutes later, a group of us stood outside the garage door with the number 2. We were currently in a safe area, but the garage itself wasn’t a safe zone, so the rules were a little weird about what we could and couldn’t do to break in. My original plan was to blow the whole thing off the tracks, but instead we decided to use Donut’s Hole spell to get inside.

We’d get inside, disable Genesis and Rapture, and grab Corky. We’d drag him back to our garage, where Grigori would do the ceremony.

The fleshmancer had said the spell itself wasn’t too difficult if both halves were willing. We’d have to unzip both from their containment suits and keep both halves alive with spells or potions while we squished them together, which would be pretty gross. But once they were touching, he would cast a joining spell that would start the process to fuse them. And once they were together, there would be just a few short minutes before the two personalities would join.

“What’s going to happen to them, personality-wise?” I asked as we approached the garage. “They’ve been apart a really long time, and now they’re very different people.”

“I have no idea,” Grigori said. “But I’m looking forward to seeing the results. It’s a very interesting process, or so I’ve heard.”

“Wait, so you’ve never done this before?”

The tall mage shrugged. “It is quite rare for two halfsies to survive more than a few minutes after the casting of Split Personality, so I haven’t had the opportunity. I have witnessed Meld work a few times, which is similar in terms of combining two minds, but in the case of Meld, the party instituting the spell is the dominant personality.”

“What the hell is that?”

“It is when a creature consumes and joins with another. Slimes use the process, as do many demons and some types of succubae. Some versions are permanent. Some aren’t. When it is permanent but they don’t want it to be anymore, that’s when they look for someone like me. I specialize in fixing other people’s mistakes. I’m not always successful, but I assure you, I’m the best there is.”

I thought again of Samantha and her quest to get her body back. I quickly explained everything that was going on with her.

“Yes, yes, I’m familiar,” he said, sounding dismissive. He oddly reminded me of one of many caseworkers I’d had as a teen. “Imani was telling me a bit about the situation. I would like to examine this so-called withering spirit, as what you describe is quite impossible. But if you need for her to regain a body, I have multiple options now that you’ve wasted the flesh golem.”

I grunted. “Let’s see how this goes first.”

Donut was shooting rapid-fire, singing-related questions at Porky, who hopped along on a single foot and was cheerfully answering them.

“Her name is Lover Illiana,” Donut was saying, talking about her singing booth in the training room. “She’s just a hologram lady, but she is quite helpful. Though I must say, I feel as if I’ve plateaued in my career. Miss Illiana cares more about my breaths and how I’m hitting the notes, which is good and all. But she has no real concept of show business, which is why I wanted to get into your guild. I am already an expert singer. What I need help with is bringing the house down.”

“I know that name,” Porky said as he hopped along. “Lover Illiana was a famed singer and renowned vocal coach. She died quite tragically, but her legend lives on. You are correct. Soaring vocals can bring the audience to the edge of their seat, but it’s the performance itself, your ability to connect with the audience that whisks them into the clouds with you. Any performance is 10% talent, 90% presence, I always say. A truly transcendent experience requires one to know their fans intimately. You want them to limp out of the theater after you’re done with them, gasping for breath as if you’ve just made love to their very soul. You want everything they experience after the fact to be stale and taste like ash because they know they’ll never experience joy like that again.”

“Exactly!” Donut said.

Elle: We’re in the guildhall common room if you want to join us.

Donut: YOU HAVE TO WAIT. I WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO LI NA BEFORE SHE LEAVES.

Carl: Give us ten minutes. I hope this will go fast.

Tipid: Uh, guys, I hate to do this, but you might want to speed things up. Dong is sick. I’m not sure what’s wrong, but his health just started to dip. He has a debuff over his head that says “Negative ROI.” I don’t know what that means. I’ve never seen it before. And then Bucket Boy lost the sock.

Bucket Boy: This is different than last time! His health is going down slower, but I can see the debuff now. It’s a curse! I grabbed the sock and tried to ask it if it knew what was wrong, but the sock teleported away! I don’t know what happened!

Mordecai: The weapon attacked Bucket Boy but got teleported by the safe room rules. We’ve lost it. That thing could be anywhere. Goddamn sapient weapons. They’re always bad news.

Imani: If it’s a curse, we’ll need to bring him to a temple to cure him.

“Okay,” I whispered as we got to the door. “Donut casts Hole, and we all jump in. We know they always keep Corky in there, but we’re not positive the two womantaurs are in. If they are, Louis will put them to sleep, and Imani will hit them with a Sluggish debuff. Britney and Donut will protect Grigori and Porky, and I’ll grab Corky. Then we’ll haul ass back to our garage and get it done. We’ll leave Louis and Britney outside the garage so they can’t break in to get him back. Are we ready?”

“Ready!” Donut said.

Dong Quixote: This is unbearable, Carl. You are doing this without giving me a chance to even say goodbye. He is the love of my life, and what you’re doing is going to change him forever. I am dying. He is being taken from me. I am right here on the other side of the door, and I can’t even see him.

I paused. Goddamnit. I suddenly felt like a huge asshole. I spent a half second considering it. But no. This was too important. We couldn’t risk something going wrong.

Carl: I’m sorry, Dong. I wish it could go another way. But if Porky sees you, he’s going to go apeshit, and none of this will work. As soon as we’re done with this, I promise, we’ll get you to a temple to get that curse removed.

“Donut, cast your hole.”

“We talked about this, Carl,” Donut said as she started to cast.

But before she could, the garage door started to open. And from within, a car revved up.

“Shit,” Louis said, backing away. “We have less than an hour left. We’re too late. They can go to the starting line!”

“So?” I said, also backing up. “Cast! Cast!”

“We can’t,” Imani said, also stepping off the driveway. The GTO pulled out of the garage. Within, both Rapture and Genesis cackled with laughter.

“You think we didn’t hear you out there?” Rapture asked. Across the cul-de-sac, a road leading up to the starting block appeared. And just beyond it, a massive factory loomed. The building hadn’t been there just a moment before. Dark clouds hung over the plant. A flickering neon sign hung from the top of the dilapidated multistory building. It read, “Gasworks Screw Factory, Steel Mill, and Doll Workshop.” And under it, a smaller sign read, “There’s no cocaine in here.” Sparks flew from the sign.

“Hey, Porky,” called Genesis, who was driving. Corky remained in the back of the car, passed out as usual. “Wanna hop in?”

“We’ll treat you real good,” added Rapture. She patted the outside door of the car with her lower arm. “We’d love to have a matched set.”

“We can’t attack them when they’re on their way to the starting blocks,” Imani said. “They’re in the car, and they’re safe.”

“Shit,” I said.

“Why you keep thinking we’s dumb?” Rapture asked me. “You don’t think we didn’t hear about the fleshmancer you had at the bar? Corky is ours, not yours. And where’s that crusty old stripper guy? He’s not his, either. We’ll unzip Corky and let him spill before we let you have him.”

“Yeah. You got your own gimp. Keep your paws off ours. He’s nontransferable,” Genesis said. She revved the engine a few times.

The tires on the GTO glowed yellow, and they looked to be literally made of gold. That was new.

“See you in the factory,” Rapture said as they pulled onto the road. Behind them, the garage door started to close.

“Stripper?” Porky asked, turning. His single eye focused on me. Even through the suit, I can see he was enraged. “You failed to mention Dong was a part of this little endeavor.”

“I suppose this means we’ll have to wait until after the next race to do this,” Donut said.

Bucket Boy: He’s getting worse! He’s really upset! I don’t know how much time he has! I don’t know what to do!

Mordecai: Okay, guys. We’re busy prepping for the Li Na exit, but we just took a look at Dong. I think we know what this is. It’s called Negative ROI for some reason, but Mistress Tiatha believes it’s really a curse that’s also called Separation Anxiety. If that’s the case, a temple isn’t going to help him. It’s not good. We’ll need the sock back, and we’ll need every single coin he lost. Otherwise⁠—

Donut: OH NO! A HUNDRED DIFFERENT NPCS TOOK THE NICKELS! WE’LL NEVER GET THEM ALL BACK!

Mordecai: We don’t have the sock, either. It probably teleported to Hungry Eyes, where it got picked up by an NPC or another crawler. That’s what sapient weapons do. They use their owners until they can’t anymore, and then they move on to someone else. I’m sorry, guys. Even I didn’t see it coming. That was a particularly insidious one. Its danger was masked by its stupid origin story.

Imani jogged off without another word, heading toward our garage. If anyone in the group could save Dong, it would be her. Jacobus zipped after her.

“Goddamnit,” I said, sitting down on the curb. The quest would fail if Dong was dead. But worse, this was all my fault. I had given him that sock, which I’d originally gotten from Quan Ch.

Porky stood there, fuming. I, once again, felt like an enormous asshole.

I thought of Li Na sitting in the guildhall, waiting for us to say goodbye. She’d been completely drained of any shred of humanity. We had to get her away from the rest of us just to keep her and ourselves alive.

Was I different? Dong was an NPC. But he was also my friend. Yes, we needed to complete this quest. It was crucial. But I could’ve been less of a prick about it, and I knew that.

Jasha and Radoslav sat watching, talking with Osvaldo and Filipe. All four raised their hands in greeting. I also saw Dwight was out here still unconscious, though he’d be awake in a minute or two. He’d been dumped in front of his garage.

Donut jumped to my shoulder. “We have to do something,” she said.

I didn’t know if we could, but there was at least one wrong I could right and still complete the quest. I stood, and I started striding toward our garage. Everyone else scrambled to catch up.

“We can’t wait until after the race,” I said. “Porky, you’re going to have to put your big-boy pants on. Yes, Dong is here. Yes, I understand you two don’t like each other, but you’re going to get over it. This is to save your life. Grigori, you’re going to spend the next half hour learning how to drive just in case we need you.”

“Drive?” the mage asked.

“We’re still getting them back together, but now we’re doing it during the race,” I said. “Come on, everybody. Let’s say goodbye to Li Na.”