“Come on, Donut,” I said. I raised my voice to Elle and Imani, who were still in the garage with the camels. They’d defrosted and helped right the school bus. “Come on, guys,” I called. “Let’s go into town.”

Carl: We’re first gonna make a quick stop.

Imani: How are you feeling? You went a little crazy there.

Carl: I’m sorry. I freaked out for a second. Donut talked me down. I shouldn’t have done that.

Imani: This floor is getting to all of us. We gotta keep our heads.

Carl: I know. I know. I’m better now, and I have an idea.

I stood. Donut remained on my shoulder. I returned to the Tigran garage. They’d fled back into their truck at the sound of Donut’s voice. The two Tigrans were sitting in the cab, glaring at us through the shattered windshield. Dario was trying to cover the pig’s eyes so she couldn’t look upon us. Or, more likely, look upon Donut.

“Donut,” I whispered, “Glitzy Pizzazz.”

“Why? We don’t want to hurt the pig.”

I explained what I wanted to do. Donut scoffed, but she did as I asked.

Her headset microphone appeared. She leaped off my shoulder and posted up in the center of the driveway, facing the truck. Across the street, Elle and Imani waited, watching.

Elle: What in god’s name are you two doing?

Carl: We’re distracting them.

Elle: Isn’t that pig off-limits?

Carl: I’m testing a theory.

“Attention, fake tiger people,” Donut announced, waving her paw. “Yes, down here. Yes, look at me.” Her voice rose in volume, and her Auto-Tune kicked on. “You killed our mercenaries, and then you killed your own gremlin. Because of that, you don’t deserve the gift I am about to give you. But Penelope is just an innocent pig, and this is for her. She seems upset, and I know the timing is inconvenient for everybody, but this is quite important. As Carl hasn’t yet practiced with his bagpipes like he promised, I was going to sing you a song Acapulco, but instead I think I’m just going to talk. I am, after all, a dungeon-renowned bard. But I don’t want you to think I’m attacking you with a song, so instead I will just be giving Penelope some advice.”

“It’s ‘a cappella,’” I called.

“That’s what I said. Don’t ruin it, Carl! Anyway, Penelope, tigers, please listen.”

Both of the Tigrans started screaming. Nico took his hands and attempted to cover the oblivious pig’s ears. It wouldn’t have mattered.

Donut was casting the spell All Eyes on Me, which under normal circumstances required a song. But because her charisma was now so high, she could now cast it with spoken words. After just a few seconds of her talking, they wouldn’t be able to keep their eyes off of her.

“Penelope, I’m sorry, but you need to hear this. I am not saying there’s anything wrong with your little throuple as it currently stands in theory, but I strongly feel all three of you could use some relationship advice. Situationships where two of the members are at each other’s throats are destined to end in heartbreak. It’s all too common with pigs, as they’re famously known to be attracted to toxic relationships. I mean, look at Miss Piggy. Honestly, she’s the toxic one as she abuses poor Kermit. People give her a pass because she’s beautiful and knows karate. And then there’s Piglet, who is what some people call a twink, and he’s in a relationship with a bear who is unbelievably selfish. Don’t even get me started on your team’s namesake, ‘One Fine Pig.’ That’s Wilbur, who we’re supposed to think is a friend to this spider lady, but that’s only because . . .”

As Donut droned on, I went to work. It only took about five seconds for me to lay a hidden trap on each side of the truck, getting as close to the shield as I dared. These were both disintegration traps, similar to the one I’d just looted from the war mage as he hid behind the door. The good thing about these particular traps was that they were completely silent when they activated, and they would only target a single individual. But to be safe, I programmed them both to only activate when stepped on by Tigrans. Even if one was literally carrying Penelope, she should be safe.

“Come on, Donut,” I called, walking away.

“. . . Which is why Peppa is absolutely destined for a Denny’s ham lover’s breakfast skillet if she doesn’t immediately do something about her cousin, Chloé. Anyway, it was nice talking to you. I hope I’ve given you something to think about. See you later!” She waved, and the twin Tigrans, who’d stopped screaming just sort of blinked and looked at each other, both unaware that they’d been charmed.

We quickly moved down the sidewalk, catching up to Elle and Imani. From down the street, the weird pope creatures who drove the Wienermobile emerged from the city. One of the skeletal creatures was holding what looked like a bucket of a white sloshing liquid. And behind him, walking like he was floating on air, was the creepy pope-skeleton guy.

Donut gasped and waved from my shoulder. “Hi, Minister of Blood-Letting! I hope you’re having a good race!”

The creature bowed as they passed, not saying anything.

“That dude freaks me out,” Elle said. “And what was in that bucket? It looked like jizz. I hope we aren’t going to be buying jizz. I got enough of that when Carl yanked off that crab.”

“The Minister is very nice,” Donut said. “But that bucket did smell revolting. I didn’t get a chance to examine it.”

“I did,” Imani said. “It’s something even worse.”