The groom’s head cocked as though hearing him, then its massive hand clamped around one of the pews. With a flex of its muscles, the wood splintered free. It hefted the entire bench above its head.

"Wait—what?!"

The pew hurtled through the air, whistling like a missile. But then the key appeared and as Sid caught how the groom moved differently, he froze.

[Ctrl + Space Bar]

Sid moved a second too late. The edge clipped his shoulder, the impact slamming him sideways. He hit the floor hard, rolling across broken marble. His health bar in the HUD flickered crimson at the edges, warning text screaming.

"Arghhh! Son of a—! They never throw pews in the game!"

He staggered to his feet, vision swimming.

"That’s not in your animation set. You’re not supposed to think."

The groom lumbered forward, grabbing another pew. With a roar, it hurled it like a javelin.

Sid dropped low.

[Ctrl] + [Ctrl + Space Bar]

The pew screamed over his head, shattering against the far wall. Splinters rained down. Sid gasped, sweat dripping down his face.

"You wanna fight in ranged mode, huh? Fine—EAT THIS!"

[Hold Right Mouse Button] + [Left Mouse Button while Aiming]

He raised his shotgun again, firing. This time the blast tore across the groom’s jaw, blowing chunks of rotting flesh loose. The monster reeled, but then... its glowing white eyes snapped toward him. Smarter and focused.

Sid’s smirk faded. His breath came rough.

"Eh? This is bad... in the game, I knew your moves. Step forward, left swing, roar, repeat. Easy."

[R]

He shook his head, pumping another shell into the chamber.

"But f*cking hell... this isn’t the game anymore. You’re not following movesets... you’re improvising. You’re thinking. This is all you, you’re not being limited by some animator’s script. So I gotta stop thinking you’re a dumb NPC."

The groom roared again, bending low. Its massive hand shot out, grabbing chunks of broken marble from the floor. It flung them one after another, stones the size of boulders.

Sid sprinted in zigzags.

[W + Shift] + [D] + [A]

Each rock smashed around him, exploding the floor into dust clouds. One clipped his leg, sending him tumbling.

"Arghhh! Jesus— real bosses don’t play by scripts. Noted!"

The groom’s roar shook the hall as Sid scrambled to his feet, teeth gritted and mouth drawing breath. A chunk of marble had shredded his thigh, hot pain screaming into his vision, and the HUD flashed a brutal red: CRITICAL DAMAGE.

He spat blood then hissed.

"Okay... okay, whew! Patch time. I’m not dying on a cathedral floor. Credit to you, Groom—you’re the first zombie to wound me. Well, you’re a boss, and I expected a fight this good, but goddamn, this hurts!"

He forced himself to focus, to be methodical even while marble dust still floated in the light.

"Inventory!"

He barked, like calling a teammate over comms. The translucent panel bloomed in front of him, items scrolling in neat rows: water, food, meds, and the little jars he’d scrounged. He thumbed through the list with a trembling hand until his gaze locked on the bandage and the disinfectant.

"Bandage and disinfectant. Now."

His voice was low, businesslike, because there was no showboating in a life or death second. The bandage materialized in his hand, then the disinfectant bottle followed in a wet-scented shimmer.

His fingers worked with the muscle memory he’d built over a lifetime of gaming and streaming, tearing into the bottle cap and pouring the acidic smell onto the cloth.

"This is going to sting like hell... Oh God..."

The liquid burned and he cursed again, more from reflex than from pain.

"F*CK! This makes me wish I was just an avatar in the game, running on a script without pain. WHEW! Alright... clean, wrap, go!"

He muttered, working the bandage tight while marble cracked behind him.

"Come on, Instant Relief! Work like a damn miracle."

The HUD chimed like an answered prayer: [Instant Relief Activated]. Pain that had been a white-hot flare peeled away into a dull throb. Sid closed his eyes for a second and let the numbness settle into his leg. He straightened, chest heaving harder for the effort, voice gruff and steadier now:

"Good. Enough to keep moving. And for the final touch..."

He barked the command.

"Inventory: Painkiller."

A bottle appeared in his hand. He tore it open and swallowed hard. Relief rushed through him again, the pain washing away like he had a fresh new body.

"Ugh... that’s it. Let it fade... thank you, magic meds... muah!"

He scanned the cathedral quickly, heartbeat syncing to the groom’s slow, thundering steps. Now fully healed and free of pain, Sid fixed the groom with a killer stare.

"I haven’t enjoyed a zombie fight this much in a long time. If you’re gonna play dirty... then so will I."

He scanned the cathedral, eyes locking on the bride, still crumpled against the pews where she had landed earlier. His jaw tightened.

"He’s protecting her, right? Then if I hit her again—"

He raised the shotgun, barrel angling toward her, ignoring the HUD prompts flickering in protest. He should follow it, but he’d learned to bend them; aiming at the bride had worked once, and the groom had reacted. He thumbed the shotgun into place and leveled it, feeling the weight.

The groom roared, louder than before, barreling forward, fists smashing pews out of the way. Sid grinned through the blood on his lip.

"Yeah. Got your attention. Alright then... no more games. You’re done."

The groom grabbed a pew and swung it like a club. Sid learned his lesson and moved fast, slamming the key.

[Space Bar]

He jumped up higher than he thought possible, clearing the pew with room to spare.

"Yo... my legs did that!? Someone clip that jump!"

But the groom wasn’t done. It lunged, jaws wide. Sid’s eyes went wide, and he hit the key again just in time.

[Ctrl + Space Bar]

He split his legs midair, the groom’s teeth snapping shut just inches from his crotch.

"THE F*CK!? You almost bit my balls!? DAMN YOU!"