"Mary, I do not ogle Giselle," Lex said, adding extra emphasis on the ’do not’ to get the message across. "And our relationship isn’t like that. We’re just friends. It would be very inappropriate to..."

"Inappropriate to what?" Mary interjected, her mouth full of fried chicken. Seriously, how was she eating? "To act like a totally normal person and actually ask her out so that she can decide for herself if that’s what she wants, rather than making assumptions of your own? She clearly has a checkered past, and some unspoken burdens weighing down on her. She’s literally like the perfect template for a damsel - a competent, self sufficient damsel, yet a damsel nonetheless - who could clearly use being rescued by a knight in shining armor. Or, you know, you in your suits. Speaking of, have you decided to never wear anything else ever again? You know a work uniform isn’t like a prison sentence. You can wear jeans occasionally, especially when you’re the boss. Or between work hours."

Lex facepalmed again, but Mary wasn’t having any of it.

"Hey, don’t blame me for speaking out the truth. You’re the one who got all mushy on me by saying I’m a friend you can trust. Well then, buddy, trust me to share my honest thoughts with you. It’s about time you tried dating someone who isn’t a terrorist. Or is this also one of the things you want to somehow blame on your parents? Did they forget to give you the talk about the birds and the bees? It’s okay, I am more than qualified to give you the talk."

The conversation was so absurd that Lex just started laughing as he looked up at the ceiling, unsure how to get Mary to stop. The chicken must be laced with some drugs. That’s the only thing that made sense.

"Mary, you’re being ridiculous," Lex finally said. "You know my life and future are uncertain. I could face death at any given moment. How can I get romantically involved with someone, knowing that I could die at any time?"

"So, you don’t want to ask out the silver-haired hottie because you could die at any time? Like all the mortals on earth where you used to live? You know, the ones who dated, got married, and gave their faithful friends little nephews and nieces to play with?"

Lex looked up in the air and grinned again - not because he was happy, because the absurdity of the situation was overriding his brain. Laughing and smiling was just his reaction to stress now, it seemed. And since when had Mary become an expert debater?

"Could you please not refer to her like that? And you know my situation is different," Lex said.

"Oh, look at you, knight in shining armor, here to defend the lady’s honor behind her back. But, fine, I’ll stop. Consider me a lady with a soft heart. But you’re not fooling anyone. You can flirt around with each other for the next several hundred years before considering asking each other out. Most love stories in the cultivation world span millions of years anyway.

"I remember, there was one story where the girl was so shy, she waited 700,000 years before seeing her crush again. It took several million years for them to even talk to each other. But my god, the writing was so good. The tension was palpable. I was a daily reader for, I don’t know, a few centuries while the story was running."

Lex secretly breathed a sigh of relief when Mary agreed to put the topic aside...

"So if not Giselle, how about that oracle girl? You’re quite chummy with her..."

Lex facepalmed once more. It seemed that today he could not avoid being teased. If that was the case...

"Oh Mary, don’t you see. How can I be entranced by another when you’re right there, on my shoulder, designed to look like my first crush? Maybe... my last crush."

Instead of feeling teased by Lex’s attempts, Mary actually burst out laughing, and took the opportunity to bite a huge chunk out of a drum stick when she was done. So sexy.

"Kid, I’m old enough that even if you live another hundred million years, I’d be considered a pedophile for even looking at you the wrong way. Not to mention, I was married once, and

had kids, and many descendants, many of whom are probably Dao Lords by now."

"Wait, really?" Lex asked, suddenly stunned. It just occurred to him that he actually knew next to nothing about Mary’s own life.

"Nah, not really," Mary said, leaning back. "Dating as a Celestial is such a chore, and once you’re a Dao Lord the dating pool really shrinks by a lot. But I certainly dated a whole lot more than you. I think one of my old ex’s might even be alive."

Once again, Lex was stunned. "Seriously?"

Mary snorted.

"Of course not. The system won’t allow me to tell you anything about my old life. Too much risk of you trying to look into things you shouldn’t be looking into. My point is, I know I’m gorgeous, but really, I’m way too old for you. Why don’t we stick to actual, living, breathing females for now? Hopefully within a century of your age, and with somewhat cultivation talent close enough that there’s hope of her at the very least becoming a Celestial Immortal down the line."

Lex groaned.

"You’re not going to drop this, are you?"

"Why should I drop anything? What about that elf girl you wrote a poem for once? I don’t remember her name, but you were quite smooth with her, weren’t you?"

Lex facepalmed, and then sighed. This was going to be a long day.

"Would you be open to a blind date? I know this one girl who visits the Inn every once in a while. A little sweetheart who owns a grocery store back on her planet. You’d be surprised by her cultivation talent, though. She’s low-key a super genius."

Lex sighed once more. He’d sighed more today than in the last twenty years. He would just teleport away... if only Mary couldn’t just appear on his shoulder whenever she wished.

"Wait a minute, don’t tell me it’s because you’re conscious of your weight? Yeah, it’d be a problem if you crush your girlfriend to death. Better be a body cultivator."

Lex facepalmed once more.