64
The truck bumped as we accidentally rolled over a group of passed-out knockers. They all had little symbols over their heads I didn’t have time to examine, but I assumed they had something to do with the giant cloud of cocaine. The white cloud was getting thicker by the moment. I could barely see the red light of the five different exits up ahead.
This next room was doll packing. After this one, we’d be back in the steel-mill part.
A panicked message from Prepotente came in.
Prepotente: Bianca has fallen ill! She appears to have been rendered “strung out” by these unlawful toddler drugs! I am pulling off the track to administer aid before she perishes! She hasn’t yet grabbed your target!
Carl: Shit! Okay, let us know if you need help.
We bumped as we left the cloud of toddler cocaine and entered a brightly lit room filled to the ceiling with wooden crates, leaving only a narrow path.
The room was a little too bright, especially compared to the previous rooms, and I had to squint to see where we were going. I immediately sensed a trap, and I eased slightly off the accelerator as I—
“Oh shit!” I cried upon seeing the massive hole in the floor ahead of us. Thankfully, we rolled right over it because of the Bubble Buddy.
“Carl, stop!” Donut shouted. “They fell in! I saw them!”
I slammed on the brakes, and we screeched to a stop.
“We gotta reverse!” Donut said. “They’re in the hole!”
I thumped the truck into reverse, worried about getting hit from behind. I slowly backed up until we were right against the hole in the ground, pushing the truck tight against the crates so any other vehicles could pass us. I put the truck into park and pulled myself out of the seat.
“Grigori, get in the driver’s seat in case we need to go!” I yelled.
“I cannot,” he said as he continued to dry-heave into the deep fryer.
“I have you,” Dong said, his voice weak as he pulled himself up. “Everybody, up! Up! Do as Carl says.”
Donut and I pushed open the back of the truck and looked down into the large, jagged hole. The hole, I realized, had been a trap. Either a small explosive or just rotten floorboards had given way under the Dominator car.
We were parked flush against a massive wooden crate that was scorched around the edges. The entire box smoked like it would catch on fire at any moment. On the side of the large box was a spray-painted label that read, “My First Sicarios boy action figures, case of 500. Assorted.”
“Damnit,” I muttered, examining the hole.
The GTO, shield down and hit with Prepotente’s hobble missile, had fallen right through and landed on its side. It was a ten-meter drop. The bright light from this room shone down below like a spotlight. The whole front of the car was smashed, and one of the golden wheels had broken off. I could see the axle was broken in half.
No matter what had happened, that vehicle was done.
Our truck shook as a massive ferret-like mount squeezed by, not stopping. A containment warning came and went.
Both Rapture and Genesis were still inside the vehicle, both alive and groaning. Both had a Strung Out warning over them, meaning they’d been hit by the cloud of cocaine. I knew their protection shield was gone, but I couldn’t tell if their containment shield was active or not. If it wasn’t active, they’d all be boiling hot and wouldn’t last long.
Corcunda remained in the back of the car, attached via seat belt. He was both unconscious and strung out.
Crunch, crunch, crunch!
“What is that?” I asked.
A group of dolls had surrounded the GTO and was in the process of ripping it apart. These were small Barbie- or Bratz-like dolls with giant heads. Half were girl toys, but there were several large G.I. Joe–like action figures as well, all about the same size as the Uzi Jesus toy Eris was walking around with.
The creatures were starting to swarm. Donut cast Magic Missile, blowing a ton away, but more just kept coming. I examined one, which was an elf-like doll with black hair and purple streaks.
Toot-Toot doll. Level 12 Grape-flavored Cocaine Elemental.
So, the dolls were a mistake. In preparing to defend their factory, the knockers got a little enthusiastic with the elemental magic. The metal frames of these dolls are infused with their special blend, and when they cast the magic spell in the steel mill to create the elemental boss monsters you’ll probably face in a few minutes, some of that magic accidentally leaked. And now these creepy little fuckers are everywhere. That’s why this room was sealed off, but some elemental magic is contagious, and now that you’ve broken the seal of the room . . . Well, let’s just see what happens next.
Warning: This is an infused elemental. Unlike regular elementals, the infused variety have the pass-through ability. If you don’t know what that means, you’re about to find out.
Next to us, the giant crate started to shake.
“We need to hurry the fuck up,” I said. “I’m going to jump down there and grab him.”
“And then what, Carl? You’re not a kangaroo anymore. I got this.” Donut jumped from the back of the truck and landed atop the GTO.
“Donut!” I called.
Thwum!
She and Corky reappeared on the road next to the truck. Donut had just cast her level 17 Puddle Jumper spell. Right at the beginning, Zev had warned us that a lot of the movement spells wouldn’t work correctly. She could teleport herself but not Corky back to the truck, so she’d done the next-best thing. I jumped out, careful of the edge of the hole, to pick up the knocked-out half-mantaur and pull him inside, coughing.
The heat just outside the containment staggered me. I had not been expecting it to be this hot. Donut whimpered as she bounded back inside, her fur smoking after just a few seconds.
The containment of the GTO, I realized, was not active, and the man’s suit was burning hot. He was still alive, but he was cooking in his suit and would have died if we hadn’t grabbed him.
I didn’t stop to think about Rapture and Genesis burning in their crashed car as the cocaine-fused action figures tore at them.
“Make room! Make room!” I called, shoving Grigori forward. He didn’t move, and I unlatched his belt and pushed again, causing the tall mage to stumble. “Sorry!”
I pulled down the table we’d hastily affixed to the cabinets just for this. I dropped the large, suited mantaur heavily on the platform. His entire form was smoking.
“Yo, I’m Toot-Toot,” a new voice said.
It was one of the dolls. She’d hitched a ride, her hand melted into the PVC of Corky’s suit.
“Do you want me to know how to get some cash out of your teacher? False accusations are a great way to . . . Errrppp”
I grabbed it and tossed it out of the back of the truck, but in doing so, I accidentally ripped a large patch of suit away. A bulge of red guts popped out of the hole like biscuit dough. A health bar appeared.
“Gah! Donut, heal him!”
I realized I’d basically trapped myself in the back of the truck. I wouldn’t be able to get to the front without literally crawling over the prone figure of Corky. “Porky, get on the table! Grigori! We’re doing this!”
The crate next to the truck broke open, and a swarm of soldier action figures started pattering on the side and roof of the truck. Several spilled out onto the ground, some falling back down into the hole. All were smoking and melting in the heat.
“Is the shield not working? Is it not turned on?” I called.
“It says it’s on!” Dong called back.
I remembered that pass-through warning on the last doll. I assumed that had had something to do with it. If that meant they could get through the shield, then we really needed to go.
“My princess! Please get back in your seat!” Dorota called.
Donut healed Corky with a scroll, but his health continued to seep. She fired a missile over my shoulder at something unseen. “Carl, how are they cocaine elementals when they’re action figures! This doesn’t make any sense!”
“It doesn’t matter! Come on, Porky! Dong, get moving!”
But Dong was turned all the way in the seat, eyes on the makeshift table. “Corky! Corky!” he called.
Corky remained unconscious and had the Strung Out debuff. But Grigori, wobbling on his feet, now stood over him and was also casting something on the mantaur as Porky pulled himself next to the other half.
Both of the debuffs zapped away.
“What? Where am I? Is the race over?” Corky asked. His voice was identical to that of Porky. His lower hand shot down to the hole in his suit. He tried to sit up, and Porky gently pushed him down.
“Don’t move,” Porky said. “I’m here. It’s time to get back together.”
“What?” Corky asked again, still confused.
“Corky! Corky!” Dong cried.
“Snitches get their throats slit,” a new voice said. This was a heavily tattooed action figure. He appeared in the open back of the truck, peering in upside down from the roof. He had a brown headband and sunglasses that dripped as they melted. His name was el Asesino de la Melaza.
“Dong? Where am I?” Corky cried.
I pulled the back doors closed, which severed the action figure in half. He started to pull himself toward me, smearing brown goo across the floor. I stomped down with my foot, and the figure squished.
Warning: Race ends in 20 minutes.
“Go! Go!” I called. We’d already been stopped for far too long.
The truck lurched forward. “We must remove the suits. Quickly now,” Grigori said. “Oh gods. Do we have to be moving while we do this?”
Prepotente: I have retrieved Bianca and we are proceeding forward.
“Carl, Carl, I can see the entrance of the next room!” Donut yelled.
“I do not know how to engage the controls to drive on the ceiling!” Dong yelled.
“Damnit,” I said. “Sorry, guys,” I called. “I gotta go over. Watch out.” I climbed atop the two mantaurs, squeezing over them. But the moment I did that, the temporary table I’d hastily fashioned with a piece of wood snapped, and we all fell into the three chairs. Corky cried out in pain, and his suit ripped further, guts leaking everywhere.
“Dong, out of the seat!” I yelled. “Let me drive! Help your friend!”
Dong was already up and out, letting the truck drift, squeezing past me as I returned to the driver’s seat.
“Hold on!” I cried as we rocketed toward the next room.