<Entry from Donut’s A Banquet Fit for a Princess.>

Mees Koning 2. Crawler #9,174,929.

Race: Half-Orc

Class: Boring Ol’ Mage.

Final Level: 63.

Hi, Princess Donut.

I was never a good-looking guy, and I never had a girlfriend. But I used to think if I tried really hard at keeping in shape and keeping up with fashion and taking lessons online on how to be social, maybe I would one day find someone.

I feel so invisible sometimes. No matter how hard I tried, it didn’t seem to work. I freeze up when I talk to people. I’m not good with social interactions. I stutter sometimes, and it makes people uncomfortable.

It was really hard not to be bitter about it, if I’m honest. But I tried not to be. I tried to keep a positive attitude.

I think the dungeon knew this about me because when it came to race selection, my only options were things that made me even uglier. I’d sliced into an Acid Spitter and was badly scarred before the second floor collapsed. I could stay human, of course, but that meant I’d have to keep my injuries. So I picked the race that seemed the least offensive-looking.

I regret it. People shied away from me even more afterward, and after I accidentally hurt two crawlers when my Whoopsie Daisy spell backfired and I received two player-killer skulls, I was truly alone.

Why am I telling you this?

You probably don’t remember, but just before the battle at the southern border during Faction Wars, I was working a stinger unit. You and Carl strolled by, and you stopped, looked up at me, and said you liked my fangs. You saw my player-killer skulls and asked me if I was a bad person. I told you what happened, and I stuttered, but you waited for me to tell you, and afterward, you told me about your friend Imani, and you said that we all have scars.

We only talked for maybe a minute, but it was enough.

It’s stupid, I know. You saw I was scared, and it was just a little throwaway moment. But I think it was the first time in my entire life anyone has ever looked at me and said something nice, just to be nice, just to make me, a stranger, feel better.

So thank you for that. During that horrible floor, it was a small, happy moment of brightness that gave me just enough of a boost to get through the most terrifying experience of my life.

I was inside the ball when you cast your Atrocity. You saved the life of myself and so many others.

You are beautiful on the inside and on the outside, no matter how many scars you may receive before this is over. I want you to know that.

I used to draw a lot of anime characters growing up, and I hope this drawing helps you in some way.

Drawing: A well-shaded, curved piece of metal with little electric bolts coming off it.

Associated Spell: Big-Ass Magnet. Casts at level 14.

Just before the race started, I found Dong in the pet stables. He’d brought Porky with him, and he was showing him Gonk the swamp yak, who was in her pen, happily munching away at something, while Simoom the rhino snorted beside her. Rend was also in here playing with Penelope the pig, though he started whining the moment he saw me, likely upset that I wasn’t bringing him out adventuring more.

I unloaded a ton of frozen chicken patties on the ground, and he let out an excited grunt before he started to devour them. I patted the meatball on the head. “Don’t worry, buddy. We’ll get you out there soon. It’s too dangerous right now with all the potatoes everywhere.”

Penelope was also excited about the chicken patties.

Porky was staring at the food on the ground, but then I realized he was actually staring at Penelope the pig, licking his lips with his half tongue, which looked especially lascivious due to the white gimp suit. I sighed.

“You are a good mount,” Dong was saying, patting the oblivious Gonk on the side of the head. “I used to dream of one final charge into the unknown astride a beast such as yourself, but, alas, some dreams are impossible indeed. Still a worthy quest, I say.”

He turned, seeing me waiting.

“To battle, then?” he asked.

“To battle,” I said.

And five minutes later, we were in the truck, approaching the starting line.

Carl: Akuma, are you still on this floor?

Akuma: I am still here. I will be leaving soon. Stop messaging me unless it’s important. Don’t you have a race right now? Focus on that and not annoying me.

I was about to send him a snide reply when another message came in.

Zhang: I just got a notification that she’s left the party and has been disqualified. Then I got an Uh-Oh achievement for being a solo driver. I hope this Bodi guy knows how to ride an octopus.

Mordecai: The cactus is holding steady. I’ll let everyone know if something changes.

“He said that would only happen once,” Donut complained from the passenger’s seat. She was talking about Mordecai’s cryptic proclamation. “But that’s twice now. It’s really scary. I don’t like it.”

“If someone is making you uncomfortable, it’s best to cut them from your life,” Dorota said.

“He said we need to ignore it,” I replied as I eased up to the starting line. I was the last one here. The race would start in two minutes. We were two spots over from the Lady Dominators. We had Osvaldo between us and team Free Love on the other side. At the far end, Dwight, alone, sat within his vine, staring straight forward.

“Let’s get through this,” I said. Ahead, the massive factory loomed. The place didn’t really look like a factory but the entrance to an industrial-themed amusement park ride. The enormous entrance door was large enough for us all to drive in side by side. I knew that once we entered, the tracks would narrow.

There was a total of twelve heats entering this race, but none of the other heats were teams from our guild except Prepotente and Jurgen aboard their tapir, Sweety. I didn’t see them now.

I knew Louis, Imani, and Zhang—who was riding behind Bodi—were all on a track called the “Infected Gravity Well.” Florin was on a track called “There’s Something Wrong with the Zoo.”

Behind us, Dong, Porky, and Grigori sat strapped into their newly installed seats, all placed in a row. Dong’s health was in the deep yellow, about to turn red. He insisted that he actually felt fine, though I could see in the mercenary tab that he was suffering from fatigue.

Porky sat directly behind Dong, and he had his hand on Dong’s shoulder. Dong reached up and held it there.

Grigori was also looking a little green around the edges. The tall human looked very out of place in his seat at the very back, sitting stiffly. Hedy said he hadn’t taken well to the driving lessons.

“You doing okay?” I asked the man.

He let out a little cough. “Will you be driving this fast for the whole event?”

I exchanged a look with Donut. “This fast? All we did was go to the starting line. I was just coasting.”

“I don’t think my stomach agrees with this sort of conveyance.”

“You have a sink next to you,” I said. “If you gotta hurl, do it in there.”

Dr. Metcalf beeped.

I have received the map data. Analyzing now. I’m probably analyzing it a lot slower than all the other teams in this heat. Did you know that Janice, who is the GPS unit in the Lady Dominators’ car, is now completely upgraded? She’s a snotty bitch, and now you’re forcing me to be seen in public next to her with no upgrades whatsoever. Do you know how humiliating that is? Do you?

“All this negativity will cause your hair to prematurely shed, my princess,” Dorota said.

Shut the fuck up. I will fucking kill you.

“Dr. Metcalf,” I said, trying to keep the frustration from my voice, “we ran out of upgrades. I’m sorry. We will be following the Lady Dominators, but we’ll need to know what’s ahead. Can you do that for us?”

We had just over a minute.

The map appeared on the screen.

Fine. It appears there are many wide-open spaces mixed with narrow tracks, but we must traverse from one section of the factory to the next. It’s straightforward, though the factory itself will be active. We enter through the receiving bay and exit through shipping. There are no obviously safe paths. It appears there are multiple neighborhood bosses in the middle area. The entire floor in this room is molten metal, so we will have to either drive on the walls or ceilings. The bosses live within the molten metal and will likely put me out of my misery.

“Okay,” I said, looking over at Osvaldo, who was the one holding the reins of his gnu. I’d already talked to him, and I was going to let him go ahead of us so we could zip to the left and get behind the Lady Dominators. Prepotente and Jurgen were going to help as well if we were in proximity to one another.

We were only going to get one shot at this.

Ahead, the starting lights appeared.

“Are we ready?” I asked, revving the engine. This race had a time limit of only thirty minutes, and the total distance was twenty kilometers. “It’s gonna go quick.”

“Ready, Carl,” Donut said.

“To battle,” Dong said from behind us.

The light turned green, and we were off.