“You’ve been exfoliated,” Donut said, peering at my bare leg as I worked on my foot routine, resetting my buff. “I must say, as smelly as that disgusting costume was, it did wonders for your complexion.” She made a little pained noise. “Not so rough, Jamal! My goodness. I am not a mud-soaked golden retriever. I require a delicate touch!”

“I am piling up my apologies to you, Miss Donut,” Jamal said. “It is not Jamal’s intention to add any hair-pulling distress.”

“You’re not hacking down a tree. Gentle but firm!”

We were both getting inexpertly brushed by Jamal, who was practicing with the new grabbers on his front legs, as designed by Mordecai. It made him appear even more terrifying, as his front spider legs now looked like they had hands. He had one brush in each hand, one on Donut and the second, screaming brush on me, both of which gave us our daily buffs. Rend and Mongo were out in the pet stable “playing” with Gonk and Simoom.

Samantha sat on the new kitchen table, peering carefully at my skin. “Do you think kangaroo blood is good skin treatment?” she asked. “Donut, maybe for your next skin-care product you can do something like that. It will require some experimenting. Do you want me to start gathering some baby animals to test upon?”

“What I want you to do,” I said, “is not give drugs to the NPCs. We almost died because of that.”

“Hey, that wasn’t my fault,” she said. “I just told him about the stuff. He took it on his own. He took too much.” She raised her voice. “And now he owes me money.”

Gluteus was sitting sheepishly on the couch, getting fed soup by Splash Zone as he recovered from his overdose.

Donut huffed. “We will not be testing my new makeup line on baby animals. At least not publicly. Ow! Jamal!”

“It is most difficult to get through such mats, Miss Donut. Carl’s hair is more silky and easier to brush than yours, I fear.”

I suppressed a laugh. “Yeah, wrong thing to say, buddy.”

“Mats? Did you say I have mats? I have never had a mat in my entire life! I wish Sledgie was here. He had the perfect touch!”

Thankfully both of our blood bars had refilled, so we weren’t in too much of a rush. As soon as we were done, Donut and I were going to meet up with the others as we checked out this Chicken and Waffles place. And then after that, we would head back to the Lollipop karaoke bar to try to find the entrance to the entertainers’ guild.

“I do not know why I am being shut out from this process,” Dong said from the couch. He sat next to Splash Zone and Gluteus as Doctor Bones and some sluggalos played one of the Need for Speed games. The sluggalos were completely off course.

“Because the other Corcunda doesn’t like you,” Donut said. “We’ll butter him up first.”

Splash Zone grunted. “I hope you have a lot of butter.”

The door opened, and Tipid and Rosetta entered, followed by three mercenaries who looked about the room with wide-eyed wonder. They were a level 75 female Grulke frog, a level 96 flaming fire fairy who was about Donut’s size, and one of those badger guys who were usually bartenders. A Porsuk. That one was level 81.

We all stared at the newcomers.

“Carl, Donut,” Rosetta said, “I’d like to introduce you to team Helix. They are a three-for-one mercenary squad. They’ve been working together for some time, and they have raced already in two heats, coming in first and second.”

“The time we came in second doesn’t count,” the Grulke said, crossing her arms. Her name was Olga. “That demon with the chains was cheating. Killed one of the two clients and killed our friend Helado. Would’ve killed the rest of us, too, if her partner hadn’t stopped her. Finley got a scratch in on her, though.”

“You remind me of my ex,” Samantha said, rolling up to the Porsuk. “He could do magical things with his claws.”

The badger was the one named Finley. He looked down at Samantha with disdain. His claws glowed green with enchantment, which implied some sort of poison-based charm. “Yeah, I can do magical things with my claws, too.” He grinned. “Want to see?”

“Ooh, yes. I really do. Want to step into my room and show me?” She rolled onto her head and started wiggling her neck up at him.

The badger’s grin faltered. “Wait, really?”

“Rawr,” Samantha said. She rolled over and then started wetly sucking on his ankle.

“What is happening right now?” the badger asked.

“Samantha, you don’t have a room,” Donut said. “And get off his leg. Welcome, everyone. We need to step out. We’ll have you come with us so we can get to know you better.”

Samantha removed herself from Finley’s ankle. “I do too have a room. I’ve redecorated it and everything. It used to be Carl’s room, but he never goes in it because he spends all his time in the bathroom.”

“It’s pretty sick,” one of the sluggalos said from the controller. “The new wallpaper is badass.”

“Wait, what?” I asked. “Wallpaper?”

The fire fairy hadn’t taken her eyes off the back of the room. Her name was Quemada. When she spoke, she had a thick Spanish accent.

She also worshipped Emberus. She was looking at the bubbling Emberus shrine. She turned her attention to me.

“I’ve changed my mind,” she said. “It’s not double the price. It’s triple the price.”

“We’ve already negotiated,” Rosetta said. “We paid the price to the mercenary guild. You can’t increase the price after the fact.”

“It’s triple the price, or we walk.”

Rosetta opened her mouth to object, but I raised my hand. “Did you guys drive during the last races?”

“Both Finley and Olga can drive. I am protection,” Quemada said.

I spent a moment just looking at the fairy, thinking. “We’ll pay the price.”