We headed back to the garage. I was surprised at how quickly everything had been transformed. We had five vehicles in our procession and three giant animals. We also had the “marching band” portion, which would be Mongo, Rend, Simoom, Gonk, and Bianca.

The remaining sluggalos—and there were a lot more of them than I’d realized—had all gone over to Florin. Donut and I would be atop the very last float, which was the chicken truck. We’d removed the tommy gun and installed a platform on the roof where we’d built the diorama. Tipid would drive. Hedy—who was now allowed to leave the garage—would drive the ice-cream truck, and another gremlin would drive the stair truck. We’d ripped the cab off the Toyota Tundra, and we placed Jamal inside. That one had been from one of the last NPC groups to survive against Prepotente, and it came with a pretty advanced GPS unit and the same floating upgrade Jasha and Radoslav had. Jamal was driving with one arm on the steering wheel and one working the pedals.

We mixed Onikuma and Old Shuck into the procession, but Sweety went at the very front. That’s where Prepotente and Jurgen would ride. They were currently hanging flowers off the mount’s platform. Jurgen also made a flower circlet for the tapir.

Rosetta rode Onikuma the bear. She’d found a glittering red gown, and she wore her magical Gurkha hat with pride.

Samantha and Bigs rode on the back of Old Shuck. The large wolf was terrifying-looking, but according to the gremlins, he was more like a giant puppy and didn’t really need a jockey.

Donut had received some pretty wild clothes for all the mercenaries and pets with her new Gurkha class, but we decided to keep the nemes and headband on Mongo and Rend for this fight. However, Mongo received special “kukri claw caps” for his feet that greatly increased his slicing ability.

The mounts also received black-and-gold blankets designed to drape over their backs, giving them a uniform look. The magical blankets increased their constitution by 20% and gave them the Steady Charge skill. It was unclear what that actually did, but it did appear to increase the large mounts’ ability to walk in a line.

Bigs, Samantha, and Jamal were all fans of the Gurkha hats. They were wide-brimmed camel-colored hats designed to sit at an angle on one’s head. The one Bigs received was literally the size of a thimble and sat on one of her eyestalks. Jamal’s, likewise, reshaped itself strangely to fit on the shark’s head. The brim of the hat on Samantha made it impossible for her to properly roll, but she didn’t care.

For the mercenaries, the hats increased multiple melee-fighting skills by three levels. Donut’s version of the hat increased multiple skills by a whopping five levels, and it was unfortunate we didn’t have time to properly drain it to add to her tiara. It was already placed on a pillow.

The entire garage was filled with gremlins placing flowers over everything. Donut’s Sprout Forest ability allowed her to pick a very wide array of plants, not just trees, and after a consultation with Mordecai, she picked something called a Requite Dahlia, which came in four complementary colors—black, gold, magenta, and white—and they had the added benefit of matching with the mount blankets and hats from the Gurkha class. The entire crew was now covering every square inch of everything with the blooms, using some potion Prepotente had to affix the flowers to it all.

Donut wasn’t a huge fan of the color scheme, but she did like how the eclectic group of animals and vehicles now matched.

As for the theme itself, I was the one who came up with the idea.

Florin said for Resolution, he wasn’t planning on trying too hard especially since nobody could agree what that actually meant.

For Betrayal, Elle wanted to put the heads of several of the Faction Wars warlords on pikes and display them. I had several in my inventory still. But, as Imani pointed out, that sounded more like something for our float. So, instead, they’d come up with another idea, which I thought was pretty biting, and I was looking forward to seeing it. Bodi was with them, and he would drive while they remained atop their float.

Imani’s reverse tooth fairy, Jacobus, remained as a starfish, and he would remain so for a while, so she was leaving him in the safe room.

The poor crawlers doing Decision went with Donut’s idea, which was meant as a joke. They were making a giant menu.

The Destruction team was another group of crawlers from China I didn’t know very well mixed with that Hawaiian guy with the really long name who went by Makana and his partner, the hexcrafter paladin crawler Sarah Hayse. They had a tricked-out Abrams tank and an old Fleetwood RV, like something straight out of Breaking Bad. Their plan was to just show up, all weapons out and ready to go.

“Donut,” I said an hour later as we stood in front of the now-decorated parade float. We’d used literally thousands of flowers in a very short period. “It’s time.”

Donut’s head sagged. “Okay, Carl.”

Thankfully, the garage wouldn’t get affected by me leaving the party, and Imani was ready to join my segregated room back into the guild. Everything, hopefully, had been arranged. Most of my crafting tables, including my bomber’s studio, would remain on Donut’s side. It would make it easier once I rejoined.

Plus, it meant if I died, she wouldn’t lose it all.

I clicked over into my menu.

Are you sure?

I clicked Yes.

You have left the Royal Court of Princess Donut.

You are no longer in a party.

Your personal space has been segregated.

You have an invitation from Safehome Yolanda. Do you wish to join?

I clicked Yes.

Behind us, a second door appeared, indicating the new entrance to my space. After all the moving around and trading of rooms, my space would now be nothing but a single room with a bathroom. And my food boxes.

“I don’t like this, Carl,” Donut said, peering at me. “Your royal bodyguard title went away. Now it doesn’t say anything!”

I grinned. “Yours is gone, too.”

“What! Why! I’m not the one who left the stupid party! Carl, this is so unfair!” A moment later, she let out another outraged gasp. “I can’t even add a new one!”

The door to my new space opened, and Bucket Boy poked his head out. Pink light and music blared from inside. The music was some early 2000s rock, but I didn’t recognize it.

Donut grunted. “What is that?”

“I don’t even know,” Bucket Boy said, stepping out. “She likes it and it’s just playing over and over. She told me I’m not allowed to turn it off.” He looked about the garage. “Wow.”

We’d agreed to let Bucket Boy sit this one out. The poor kid was dealing with some serious shit. A small part of me was annoyed that we weren’t using a hired NPC mercenary, but a bigger part of me, the important part, felt proud that we could protect someone from the chaos, even if it was just for a minute.

“The room is actually bigger now, but it’s just one big room,” he said. “Some of Samantha’s decorations got messed up.” He eyed her across the room. “She’s gonna be mad.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “But don’t stay in my room. Go to the main guild commons. Go fast. It’s about to start.”

Above, the countdown time was down to two minutes. I turned my attention to Penelope the pig, who was eating a flower off a nearby float.

“Penny,” I called, “come here. I got a snack for you.”

All participants in the Parade of Horribles, p-p-p-please proceed to the staging area.

The festivities are about to begin.